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BlogTV Tonight @ 9 PM
Since I have been slacking due to other commitments I figured I'd pass along this announcement:
TONIGHT @ 9 PM
BlogTV Presents:
Nick Di Paolo w/ special guest Artie Lange
If you've never partipcated in an episode of Nick's BlogTV show then you absolutely have to try it on tonight when Artie Lange fresh off his return to the Howard Stern Show (although I guess he never left) will be joining Nick in his basement for the show.
Check out NickDip.com, and BlogTV.com for details and make sure you're there. I'll be in the chat room participating and I highly recommend this event for everyone. The perfect lead in to the new episode of Lost tonight @ 10.
So You Want to be On TV?
Who can blame you - it's a great marketing tool, and it's a wide audience base. Oh sure you'll have to make sacrifices to your act and integrity - remember that joke about your having sex with your cousin when the two of you were just kids (read: 22), well that's out, and don't even try to make a dead baby joke because there is no way that Leno is putting that on the air. You really think that the act which has drawn crowds to the clubs for you is what will make you a star? Sorry folks, the world of comedy doesn't work that way - all you have to do is watch Comedy Central for a few hours to realize that there is a certain formula you're going to have to follow, if you want to be on TV.
As a public service to you, your old friend Joe wants to pass off a few tips that I've picked up through the years which will turn that solid half hour set at a sold out Caroline's, into a miserable cookie cutter forty five minutes on Comedy Central Presents. So without further ado here is your first lesson from your friends at Tragic Laughter:
President Bush
If you don't have at least 10 minutes dedicated to President Bush in your act you might as well slit your wrist right now because there isn't a television executive on the planet who wants to put you on the air. The man has been the President of the United States for eight long years and there isn't a talking head on any of the 200 channels that I have in my house right now that isn't talking about how our President is stupid/inept/incompetent/foolish or simply retarded.
You're going to want to point out some of the most obvious points about President Bush which will endear you to all of the uptight white television executives who think that they're high and mighty because they drive a Prius and recycle their own urine to make coffee. The best way to highlight your comedy chops is to refer to the President's mismanagement of 9/11 - you can talk about how dumbfounded he looked in that room with all the children, or how he flew around in Air Force One all afternoon without taking any action. This approach gives you a lot of cache because it'll show how fearless you are by making reference to 9/11, and also show how smart you are by making fun of the President.
But maybe you don't make good yelling sounds to imitate a terrorist, that is a must if you're going to talk about 9/11 on television. You'll also want to sound like Apu from The Simpson's even though he's a Hindu from India and the terrorists are Muslims from Afghanistan, frankly the difference doesn't mean much to the people you're trying to impress. Funny is funny after all. So instead of a 9/11 joke maybe you can talk about the President and his brush cutting down at his ranch in Crawford, Texas.
If you're Demetri Martin or one of those "comedians" who uses props or video screens this would be the perfect opportunity to insert a YouTube clip of the President clearing brush. Naturally this kills about three birds with one stone as you will be making fun of the President, people from the South who still farm, and making use of YouTube so that the kids will realize how down to earth and cool you are. There is almost nobody making decisions about who should be on television that could resist a triple threat of this magnitude. If I might give you some advice perhaps you could put on a funny Southern accent and talk about all this brush being like terrorists, you keep fighting it back but just when you think you've got the whole situation licked there is more brush coming over the hills. You might think this sounds like an unfunny bore but trust me it's actually the funniest thing you have ever said.
It's probably best for me to pause here for a second and reassure you that even though you think that all of this material has been used before, and has been on television before - you shouldn't worry. Television people don't care about being original, or unique, they'd much rather put someone on television who is both boring and cliché. For whatever reason television executives believe that jokes about the President and how terrible he has been are both new and edgy when neither of those things could be further from the truth. Just keep telling yourself - getting on TV isn't about being funny, it's about seeming to be funny to a very small select group of old white men.
Another great way to polish up your set about President Bush is to talk about the people who still think he's been doing a good job. Did you realize that 29% of the country still think positive of the work that President Bush has done? I mean what is wrong with these people? This might seem like a risky bit but don't worry, your comedy special will be taped in New York, Boston, Los Angeles, or San Fransisco so none of those 29% will be in the audience when you're telling this joke. You will absolutely want to talk about how those inbred hicks must not have cable, or newspapers, or the internet with DailyKos, and Moveon.org to check in on how bad the President has been mismanaging the country. Might I suggest another Southern accent, but don't make it too close to Jeff Foxworthy, or Larry the Cable Guy because then you'll cross into a zone that television executives hate - offending comedians with huge audiences for no apparent reason. You might want to keep this in mind if you find yourself starting to want to rip into Dane Cook.
By now your big break has turned into an agonizing jaunt through material that stopped being funny when Carlin was doing it about Ronald Reagan thirty years ago, but the television suits will be eating it up. This is your chance to go in for the kill, and assure yourself a second Comedy Central Presents. It's time to wrap the entire set up with some patriotic words about how you love this country, and how this dumb hick has made you the butt of all the world's jokes. You want to slow down your speech and tell everyone that the only good thing to come out of the Presidency was that George Bush wasn't able to circumvent the Constitution enough to ensure that he'd be able to remain President for life. At this point you can talk about this being the best country in the world, because in other countries people would take to the streets with machetes to chop his head off before his term ended, then pause, smile into the camera, and say -- I guess it isn't November yet.
Can you feel the douche chills now? Your live audience will be going crazy at this point as your leave the stage to a thunderous applause and your individuality and pride sufficiency swallowed like you were a seventeen year old girl on prom night. Now you might find yourself asking - is it worth it? I guess that's a question you need to struggle with. All I'm here to do is give you the path towards television awfulness, the next time I'll provide you some tips on how to get a regular spot on one of those horrible VH1 clip shows.
Tragic Talk: Phil Mazo
One thing that is immediately recognizable with Phil is that he is incredibly honest which makes this one of my favorite Tragic Talks to date. This entire interview ranges from Phil talking about watching a Dana Carvey special that used to air all the time on Comedy Central (I believe he was talking about the HBO Special from San Francisco and if he was - I used to watch the same thing. Comedy Central really didn't have anything to air back then), to how he named his album, to why he goes through a certain progression with his set. I want to thank Phil for taking the time to be honest and funny, and if you haven't yet check out his cd, visit him on myspace and get out there and see him when he's in your area.
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TL: I have a few hack questions I need to ask to get out of the way. First of all, how would you describe Phil Mazo to someone who has never heard you before?
Phil: Seemingly pure. Purely unseemly.
TL: How long have you been doing stand up comedy?
Phil: I’ve been telling people (read: bookers) five years for the last year. It’ll be five years in August.
TL: Who were some of your favorite comedians when you were younger, or starting out in this business? Who influenced you to become the Phil Mazo that we all know and love?
Phil: I don’t ever recall watching a particular standup and thinking, “I want to be him.” If anything, it was more, “I want to do that.” So I’m not sure who my influences were, but I guess I was into Jim Carrey when I was in middle school. I also used to watch this Dana Carvey standup special every time Comedy Central aired it, which was often. I haven’t seen it since high school, but I remember thinking it was the funniest thing ever.
I really like anyone who’s just downright funny. It sounds like an obvious answer, but I find that some people want comedy to be more than what it is, or to be a means to an end. Call me crazy, but I just want comedy to be funny. So I guess here’s a random, abbreviated list of comedians that make me laugh: Brian Regan, Tommy Davidson, Arj Barker, Jim Gaffigan, Dave Chappelle, Nick DiPaolo, Nick Swardson, Andy Kindler, Louis CK, Patrice O’Neal, Todd Barry, etc.
I also like tongue in cheek cocky assholes, like Andy Kaufman (and his Tony Clifton character), Andrew “Dice” Clay, Judah Friedlander, etc. I don’t know what it is, but I find the idea of an asshole to be funny, whether he thinks he’s better than other people (and acts like it) or just does what he wants with no regard for consequence.
TL: One more before I talk about the album a little bit - you've got a movie coming out directed by Yuri Alves called "High Hopes". The trailer is up on your myspace and it looks hilarious - care to give the hard sell for the movie? What's it about? Who do you play? And when can people check it out?
Phil: I just found out it got into the 2008 Cannes Film Festival. It’s a short film about a guy who brings some amazing weed back from Jamaica and invites his friends to come over and smoke it – but the pot goes missing. The story is about their desperate search for more weed. I play two different characters: an exercise fanatic called Crazy Legs who lives in the kid’s basement, and a badass drug dealer. We’re going to hold a premiere sometime soon, after which I’ll be doing a short standup set. Check out http://www.myspace.com/highhopesmovie to watch the trailer and keep updated on the screening.
TL: Now the important thing - on April 1st you released an album "Pervert" and I can only imagine that the first question anyone asks you is - why call the album "Pervert"?
Phil: I was kicking around a bunch of ideas for the title, and “Pervert” (along with the whole cover idea) came to me, and it just felt right. I think it’s funny and kind of describes my comedy in one word. Some friends thought it would be a bad idea in that the title alone would immediately turn some people off; but I liked that it would automatically filter the potential audience, so that those who were getting the album had an idea of what they were getting into. I know I’m not for everyone; I just want to find the audience that I AM for, and for them to find me.
TL: This is your debut album, it's been out for a week, it's already in the Top 40 Comedy Albums on iTunes and out of 23 reviews its average rating is 5 Stars - did you expect the album to get this type of reception?
Phil: Not really. It’s been wavering here and there in the comedy chart, so who knows where it’ll be by the time anyone reads this, but as of this writing the highest I’ve seen it was #38. I honestly don’t even know if this iTunes thing is a big deal. But since no one knows who I am, it is for me.
TL: I know when some comics do an album in a club they do a few shows and take the best bits from each show to create the album. Did you do something similar for this, or was it a one night shot with the crowd (who were great)?
Phil: For the most part, it’s from one show. But I added some bits from other shows from that same weekend that I didn’t do on that particular show for whatever reason (either didn’t have enough time to fit them in because I was only featuring or I just forgot to do them).
And, of course, both the intro and bonus tracks are their own things.
TL: The intro really stands out - what is that all about?
Phil: The liner notes in the hardcopy album explain that it’s an excerpt (which I might have done some creative editing to) from a 1993 New Jersey public access show. The video (which, in retrospect, may be needed to give the full effect) can be found on my MySpace page – it’s called “Why I Became a Comedian.”
I thought it was a funny clip on its own that also made for an interesting juxtaposition to the rest of the album – in terms of presenting me as this cute, innocent little kid versus everything that ensues as a result of that. If there’s any overall structure to my act that I can think of, it’s that I generally try to go from most accessible and mainstream material to most dark and fucked up material (what I really want to talk about). Because at this point in my career, no one is coming to see me, Phil Mazo. People are just going to see a comedy show at a club (or, if he’s well-known, the headliner), and I happen to be one of the comedians performing there. So if I just go right into the dark shit, that might come out of left field and turn an audience off (and, more importantly, not get me booked again). So I try to reel them in and lull them with a series of completely harmless, inoffensive jokes that get progressively darker, so that after I’ve already proven to them that I’m funny and already warmed them up and gotten them going, maybe now they’ll come along and hear the real shit I want to talk about. And it usually works.
TL: My favorite joke on the album (I bought it - and am in the process of doing a review) is about those EPT tests. I won't ruin the joke, but the crowd goes from steady laughter to almost revulsion by the end of the joke - do you love that reaction? is that what you're going for? Because I couldn't get enough of just the horror in their voice when you finish that joke.
Phil: I don’t particularly love that reaction. Unless the audience is laughing and wincing at the same time – that could be fun. But given a choice, I want to make the audience laugh. I actually think the audience from the album was overall a pretty sensitive crowd.
Maybe I have a really high tolerance for getting offended (I do), but I generally find it a little annoying when an audience is “aww-ing” at shit that I don’t think is that offensive. I mean, there’s way worse shit I could do. I could go up there and go, “Nigger nigger nigger!” (Granted, that would get me a standing ovation in some parts of the country.) But the things I talk about I do so because they make me laugh, not because I want to shock people.
That said, I do occasionally enjoy making an audience feel awkward for a moment. But I feel like any halfway intelligent person would realize I don’t condone most of the things I talk about (and that there’s a difference between talking about something and doing it). I feel like thinking that way about me is akin to thinking Stephen Colbert the person is an ultra-conservative Republican.
TL: Have you pitched Hedonist Island yet? and if not could I? Because I think FOX Reality picks that show up in a second.
Phil: It wouldn’t entirely surprise me to one day see that on television.
TL: You close the album out with a song. It's the only song that you have on the album - is playing an instrument something you do in your act? Or is that one song a special occassion?
Phil: Special occasion. I recorded the song at a few open mics in NYC because I just wanted to get it down on tape, and one of the few things I love about open mics is you really can just do or talk about anything, because no one’s paying to see the show so there are no expectations, and most of the audience is other comedians who’ve heard it all (and probably aren’t even listening anyway). So whatever response you hear in that track is all from other comedians, which is kind of gratifying considering how empty of laughter most open mics are.
TL: So the album is out, it's getting amazing reviews, does it make you nervous that now you'll have to write 40 new minutes of material since everyone will know all of this stuff by heart by the time you get to your Funny Farm (Roswell, GA) gigs at the beginning of next month?
Phil: I appreciate the compliment, but of course that’s something I don’t have to worry about – partly because I’ll be featuring, which requires only 30 minutes. But I’ve found that since I put the album out, I’ve been writing so much new material, some of which may be my best yet. I don’t know if this is a common phenomenon, but I think knowing that I now have all that other material down for posterity frees me from the feeling that I have to keep showcasing it at every performance. Now it’s out there, and people have the ability of hearing it without me having to perform it again, and I can move on. I also think the album has given me more insight into what my comedic voice might be, which I think has helped the material flow out more. And the fact that it’s being so well received is encouraging me to continue pushing my ideas further.
TL: You're about to become a huge star, that's how funny the album is - what are you looking forward to more, being offered the chance to play the dejected and beaten down husband on an ABC pilot? or the inevitable Dane Cook like backlash where all the people who said how great you are (myself included) are forced to write obligatory bash columns about how you sold out and never had good material to begin with?
Phil: Are those my only two choices? If so, I’d like the Dane Cook-like backlash, assuming it comes with all the Dane Cook-like success. In terms of my ultimate career goals, I’d like to find an audience and continue doing standup as a draw – while also writing, directing, and acting in movies or television. I’ve also found that I really love doing radio, especially as a side guy who just chimes in whenever he feels like it – sort of like Artie Lange’s role on Stern. A regular gig like that would be pretty cool.
TL: I promise I'll let you go in a second - how important has the internet been for your career? Do you think that the availability of comedy on the internet is a good thing or a bad thing for the future of the business?
Phil: I don’t really think about these things nor do I give a fuck one way or the other.
TL: Fair enough. Last one - how do you get to heaven?
Phil: Kind of like how you get to Carnegie Hall: rape, rape, rape!
TL: I can't thank Phil Mazo enough for taking the time to sit through my horrible questions. If you want to check out Phil you can do so on his official website, myspace or facebook pages. Also as per usual I will keep what I hope will be an up to date calender of Phil Mazo dates all over TL for you to check out, and if you do check out a Phil Mazo show tell him that Tragic Laughter sent you.
Tragic Talk: D.C.
It is safe to say that D.C. is probably the most popular open micer in the Seattle area, sharing his name with a shoe company. It's also safe to say that the videos that you'll find of his sets on his myspace pageare funnier then a lot of "name" comedians, if you don't believe me just check them out - I promise you won't regret it. Well you might regret it, but you'll laugh. Furthermore, D.C. is an active contributor to the Tragic Laughter community, as he appears in the forums, and we stay in touch through these interwebs. It's safe to say that I'm hoping D.C. brings me along when he becomes famous, or infamous -- either way I'm sure there will be hookers, strippers, and midgets (potentially all in one tiny drug riddled body). With that tremendous introduction I'd hope you all read up on our friend D.C. and then swing through his myspace page and tell him how you feel about him.
TL: You’ve been very open about a tragic subject for you so I’ll try to be gentle. Who inspired you to get into comedy?
D.C: I will never live this down, but Dane Cook was the man that made me want to get on stage and do comedy. I, much like the rest of comedy ignorant America jumped on the "DANE TRAIN". It only took me a few years of immersing myself into the comedy world to realize that he was a complete hack who relied on his ability to pronounce words like "sandwich" in a quirky way. Having Dane Cook be the person that got me into comedy is like an altar boy who looks up to his priest, and one day wants to be a priest himself. One day the altar boy realizes that sucking all that catholic dick did not make him a priest it made him a faggot. So much like the priest made the young altar boy realize that he did not give a fuck about being a priest, he just liked a cock in his mouth. Dane Cook made me realize that I don't give a fuck about being a mainstream hack as long as I get to be on stage and tell people how I fisted an amish/retarded girl.
TL: What was the thought process going in? Did you just wake up one afternoon and decide you had a post op tranny joke that had to be told? How many times have you been on stage?
D.C: I woke up the afternoon of the show with a hangover and forgot where I put my notebook with my material for the evening in it. So I scribbled down some notes on the time I went to vegas and had sex with this random chick that just seemed to good to be true. It just so happened my friend Megan was in town and she is 6 feet tall with fake boobs so I decided to bring her on stage acting like she was the tranny. As far as stage time goes I have had a total of 60 minutes in 8 different shows, mostly open mics. I have had a few paying gigs as an emcee for some private events in the area, but no real paying comedy stage time.
TL: You’re from Seattle – what is the comedy scene like up there?
D.C: The comedy scene in Seattle seems very saturated with trendy, hip, family friendly, politically correct humor. I am more of a shock type of guy. I like to explore the boudaries of "freedom of speech". I think it is bullshit when you walk into a club and you are forbidden from saying certain words. I did a couple of open mics where they said I could say anything, but "CUNT" So I started my set with "I was fist-fucking this Amish chick, at least I think she was Amish? Everytime I turned the lights on or my Ipod switched songs she acted like it was the first time she had ever seen electricity. Come to think of it she may have just been retarded. You can say what you like about retards, but they can suck a mean dick." I think "CUNT" would have been less offensive
TL: You’re doing an open mic in Seattle, is the kid on stage before you some Cardigan wearing douche that should just smoke a cigarette and then blow his brains out after the show? Or a better formed question – what is the typical lineup when you perform?
D.C: Usually we have between 20-25 comics of those 10 or so are regular working comics and the rest are newbies like me, but I still usually headline the open mic because I always bring about 80-90 people to each show.
TL: What has been your reception from the crowds when you’ve taken the stage?
D.C: Recently after my Amish/Retard set I had 2 people get up and leave, but for the most part I usually bring my own audience, so they had better like me or they just wasted 5 bucks!
TL: Along with working on your comedy you’re also featured on checkitoutmusic. com what’s that all about? And I realize this question just sent douche shivers down your spine but deal with it.
D.C: Checkitoumusic. com is a place for music fans to document their music experience and everything tn between. The founders realized half the fun of going to a concert was all the funny shit that happens in pursuit of it or afterwards. I am the resident comedian, so I guess I just try to keep it updated with my hatred of humanity!
TL: Have you found people who are fans of your writing coming out to your shows?
D.C: I have found homeless people who I pay to show up usually comprise my audience, but there are a few DC GROUPIES floating around!
TL: Let me put my Byron Allen hat on for a second – so I heard you had an incident with craigslist what happened there?
D.C: I had a poor lonely soul assume that it would serve his interests best to repair his bruised ego by posting a gay personal on CRAIGSLIST for me. The ad was poorly written and did not include a photo of my cock, definite signs of a fraudulent post. I later discovered the identity of the individual and have a special surprise waiting for him...
TL: Here’s a better Byron question – so I heard there was something with Linkin Park and Bubba the Love Sponge, what happened there?
D.C: I recently wrote a review for checkitoutmusic. com on newest Linkin Park hit single "Shadow of a day". A day or so after it was posted on my Myspace I received a message from a lady saying she was his assistant and she wanted to know if I would like to read my review on-air. I replied "of course" and have not heard back from them yet.
TL: I probably gave myself too much credit there. Byron would have said – craigslist and then paused like a fuckin idiot. Can you possibly explain how that Comics Unleashed show is on every channel after midnight?
D.C: The same way I still get pussy: Lowered standards and word of mouth!
TL: Your comedy is a bit – let’s call it raw for lack of better terms – who are some of your comedy heroes and idols taking into account that you’re already guilty of being inspired by Dane Cook?
D.C: My comedy is a lot raw! My real comedy heroes are Doug Stanhope, Ari Shaffir, Jim Norton, Andy Andrist, and the late Bill Hicks! Dane Cook did help me realize that it does not matter how funny you are as long as you draw a crowd so it was not a complete loss!
TL: Where do you hope this all leads for you? Basically will I be able to get an invite to fly out to see your HBO Special someday or should we just keep emailing homoerotic messages to one another on myspace?
D.C: I hope it leads me to a chance to be one of "The Unbookables", but I would settle for some decent coin and a fistfull of 18 year old hookers. As far as our homoerotic messages I suspect they will continue until I get that restraining order thing taken care of. And of course you will be flying out to see my HBO special as long as you stay within the court-appointed distance from one another!
TL: As the official West Coast link for the Tragic Kingdom – what is happening out there that we’re missing on the East Coast?
D.C: You are missing out on some great emerging comics: Rodger Lizaola, Andy Haynes, Andy Peters, Billy Wayne Davis, and my newest favorite Andrew Oullette... That is a whole lot of Andys' you are missing out on!
TL: And finally – after making you wait a full week to send you these questions on a scale of the dumbest questions ever to making you want to asphyxiate yourself with an umbilical chord, how horrible was this interview?
D.C: Great interview. I have had bowel movements more painful than this and much more invasive as well.
Next time maybe I can interview you!
Is Artie Really Gone?
**UPDATE**
Punchline Magazine has the full audio of the confrontation on their site here. After listening to the entire thing it's obvious that Howard is at least partially to blame to bringing this fight about. You can tell in his voice that he honestly didn't expect things to get out of hand like they did, but that he wasn't really sorry that it happened the way that went down. Artie seemed genuinely pissed at Howard, and even started hitting him for some stuff that usually doesn't get talked about (especially the fact that Howard is notoriously distant from the people on the show). I'm interested to see how this plays out.
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The story of Artie Lange "resigning" from the Howard Stern show this morning might be the biggest story in the comedy world right now. The impact of this story has nothing to do with how you feel about Howard as a radio show host, or Artie as a comedian - there is simply no denying the power of the third chair on the Howard Stern Show. For those who don't know the story of what happened this morning I don't have Sirius so I haven't been able to get a good grip on what went down. Apparently, Artie who is scheduled to leave for Amsterdam tonight or tomorrow got into a fight off air with his personal assistant Teddy over the travel plans.
Of course Howard, being the radio mind that he is brought Teddy into the studio and had the confrontation on the air. Some people are a bit upset with Howard on this one, because they feel like this escalated the situation but at the end of the day his job is only to sell radio subscriptions and having Artie Lange almost kill Teddy Microphone on the air is a good way to do that job. So Artie and Teddy have to be separated by the staff and Artie threatens to kill Teddy because of some mismanagement of funds, and a loan of what I think was $5,000 that Artie gave to Teddy.
At this point Howard got upset, and he had enough. If there is one thing that Howard has been pretty firm about over the years it's small penis jokes, and not having violence inside his studio. I think that there might have been a bit of this building up recently though with Artie sleeping on the show, not showing up, or just being almost useless, so this might have sent Howard over the top, and he told Artie that if he couldn't control himself he'd have to leave the show. The story starts to get interesting at that point according to Pet Rock:
The comedian, who has had a similar outburst on the air in the past, said he cannot guarantee he can refrain from acting out in the future. Upon hearing that, Stern said he cannot have Lange around with the potential of such actions looming. Artie then offered his resignation; Stern accepted, but told Lange to leave and cool off. Just before Lange left he told Stern: "I'm not a good person ... I gotta leave ... I love you"
From what I've read the mood in the studio was very somber after the incident - apparently it had a real effect on people and they weren't ever able to recover from the situation. I know that Stern is off tomorrow and the entire show will be gone for vacation next week so we won't even know what the resolution to this whole ordeal is until the 21st of April at least, assuming Artie doesn't say anything between now and then (and supposedly he's leaving the country so I'm not sure we will hear from him).
A lot of the focus on this story has been centered around Artie and his self destructive behavior. The incidents from his past speak for themselves, he has admitted to being a flawed person, he eats too much, he drinks too much and he does too many drugs - none of that should be a surprise to people. He was on Jimmy Kimmel Live last week (promoting the show with Nick Di Paolo in LA) and he looked like hell, so to hear that Artie might not be doing well is sad, but it's not surprising. This story might have been the breaking point between Artie and those people in his life who care for him, but care for themselves and their jobs just as much - so as much as Howard probably wanted to keep Artie around, this outburst might have been what Howard needed to get rid of him. Don't think for a second that Howard Stern is one to quickly forget a grudge when he thinks you've wronged him, I mean him and Imus went at it before I was born and they still don't like one another. I don't know if a week will be enough for Artie.
But the biggest aspect of this story, and the part that people aren't talking about nearly enough is that the chair Artie Lange just left -- that's the kingmaker. You can say what you want about Howard Stern, the man has undeniably been a huge influence on the world of radio, and even though I'm an XM subscriber because of the Opie and Anthony Show, I am man enough to admit that he was at one point the King of All Media. Think about this, when Artie Lange got the job on the Stern show he was what? Headlining Yuck Yucks on the Jersey Shore if he was lucky? Did anyone know who Artie was other then the fat guy with Norm MacDonald from "Dirty Work"? or the guy who looked like hell on MadTV?
But he got the chair on Stern, and now he sells out 5000 seat amphitheaters all over the country. There is no denying that the spot on Stern can make a career, and Artie Lange just gave it up. If you don't think being associated with a radio program, and being on the air all the time is a huge opportunity for comedians go back and read our Tragic Talk with Nick Di Paolo where he claims that radio is the best medium for comics. So maybe Artie is gone, and I honestly hope that he gets himself together because I do think Artie is funny and I'd hate to have to put him into that pantheon of comedians - you know the one. But if he is off the Stern show that opens up a spot for someone to not just make a name for themselves, but make a career.
So we've got a little over one week to discover what happened. If you've got any information I'd love to hear from you - I will keep your name confidential if that's an issue but I want to know anything about Artie, his decision or the future of that empty seat on Stern. The main concern is obviously the health and well being of a man who no matter what you think about him is, at the very least the man who gave us "Beer League" (a dramatically underrated comedy) and I wouldn't wish ill on anyone who might actually hurt themselves. The secondary concern though is what happens now that there is a huge role available on the Stern show? One moment you're a strong middle working the New York club scene and the next minute you're one of the 10 most famous comedians in the country - and I don't think I'm overstating how powerful a place in that chair has the potential to be at this point either.
I will keep everyone updated as this story progresses either here, or on the forums so stay up to date with both
Tragic Review: Phil Mazo "Pervert"
I don't like to give away too much around here but one thing that I will hint at is that I think this might turn into Phil Mazo week at Tragic Laughter. Along with reviewing his debut album "Pervert" I believe at some point we'll have an interview with Phil. At this point it's just a tentative plan because Phil might become a giant star during the week and blow us off completely - something which is both unavoidable, and understandable.
Debut albums for stand up comedians can go a couple different ways. You very rarely find a comedian who peaks at the beginning of their career, and then steadily declines. I mean it happens -- I'm looking at you Dane Cook -- but for the most part the growth of an artist makes the material better. This isn't rap music where the entire package is tied into poverty, or childhood so that once it's down on a recording there is nowhere left to go. With that in mind I picked up Phil Mazo's "Pervert" expecting to hear an album all over the place, rough, but with promise.
What I got was an album with material that comes off much more polished then you would expect from a debut. That's not to say that the album is without flaws. The opening track is a strange audio clip from an interview about chess conducted with a very young Phil Mazo. I don't understand its purpose at all, but hopefully he can shed some light on it during our interview (TL note: which he did). The jokes that Phil opens his set with might lead you to believe that you've just purchased a standard debut album. There is a joke about tailgating an SUV that makes me shake my head in shame kicking things off.
However, once you push through the early minutes of his set Phil really starts to shine. You'll know the exact moment when things are about to be taken to another level when he starts to talk about his brother having a kid, proclaiming "whenever I hold a newborn baby, all I think about is how easily I can kill it." That line draws such a perfect mixture of laughter and horror from the crowd that you just know Phil is on the precipice of something fantastic - and he delivers.
I've heard this album called "cringe" and it's tough to argue with that, but that is not to say that Phil Mazo is a Jim Norton clone by any means. He's a little more subtle or at least as subtle as someone who calls himself a MySpace predator can be. The highlights of this album come when Phil pushes the envelope and leaves members of the audience in horror. There is one moment on the album when Phil is talking about his interaction with a Jewish woman on a certain dating service and he tries to out non religion her by saying "the Holocaust never happened, although I like to refer to my orgasm as the Final Solution."
Just making reference to jokes like that lead you to understand why Phil titled this album "Pervert." Most of the jokes that he sprinkles throughout the set aren't that perverse if you're used to hearing Norton talk about having a woman pee in his mouth, or Patrice O'Neal and his briefcase full of dildoes. But you can tell from the reaction of the crowd that Phil is stretching the boundaries of what normal (non Cringe Humor) fans are used to accepting. Personally, I think that his ability to mix in the filth element is done perfectly. I keep going back to the crowd but their reaction to this 5'5" comedian saying such awful things really is as important to the atmosphere created by the album as the actual material.
The final track is a bonus song called "How to Get to Heaven" where Phil picks up a guitar and does his best to get the crowd to sing along with some of the most horrible lyrics you can imagine. I've never been a huge fan of musical acts and I'm glad that Phil left the song until the very last track, but there is a moment where even this approach seems so perfect in its absurdity. I won't ruin it for you, but this particular song can be found on Phil's MySpace and I highly suggest watching it if you're interested in seeing a great example of what he is all about.
In the end what you get with "Pervert" is something that is solid as a first album. It's a good crowd, it's strong material, and you can sit down and listen to the entire set from start to finish without feeling as though you've hit a dry spot. It's obvious that this album has struck a chord with people as it is a debut album, released on April 1st and it's already reached the Top 40 Comedy Albums on iTunes (a fact which Phil is very proud of I might add). If you haven't already checked it out I'll be throwing up some links to download the album on Amazon, and you can sample every track there. I suggest that you check Phil Mazo out, I do not think you'll be disappointed.
Can We Get A Ruling?
Now onto the topic at hand - last night's BlogTV show with Nick ended around 10:15 PM EST which is about the same time that the Celtics game wound up so I was left without much to do before jerking off and going to bed. As I'm always one for giving a show a few watches before passing judgment on it I flipped to the channel allegedly dedicated to Comedy (yet featuring an inordinate amount of Mad TV) to watch Lewis Black's Root of all Evil. I think after seeing three episodes of this show it's fair to start drawing conclusions about the quality of this show right?
The only problem is that I'm left wondering whether or not the show is any good the minute it ends. I will admit that I enjoy Lewis Black. I saw him at the Mullins Center during my undergraduate haze at UMass - Amherst and he absolutely destroyed a huge crowd, and even threatened to kick the shit out of someone who booed him for making a Bush joke. I think that the stuff he's done on the Daily Show has been really great, and I just generally enjoy him. For that I will not apologize.
The premise of the show seems innocent enough. Each week Lewis will throw out two things which might be the root of all evil and then a comedian will be tasked with convincing the Judge (ie: Lewis) that his topic is the one that will bring humanity to a brick wall like stop. You have to admit that if done right this show could have some potential - especially when it was originally on Comedy Central and they called it "Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn." Unfortunately, Comedy Central is involved so instead of getting a panel of talented comedians together to debate the topics we get - well...let's just take a look at the comedians who are featured on this show.
Andrew Daly: It's tough to even bash Andy Daly because he doesn't belong on this list. He's a comedian in the same vein Vince Vaughn, or Will Ferrell are comedians. Don't get me wrong he was the funniest thing about "Semi Pro" and I've heard him on a few other shows ("Jimmy Pardo's: Never Not Funny") where he has actually been pretty engaging, however he's not a comedian so we'll move on.
Greg Giraldo: Comedy Central LOVES Greg Giraldo. I'm not sure who his agent is but Comedy Central doesn't do a show anymore that doesn't at least feature a cameo by Greg Giraldo, and honestly I don't have a problem with that. I know some people find his act a bit hacky, but I like Greg and on this show he's Richard Pryor compared to some of the stiffs he's forced to share a stage with.
Andy Kindler: Where did Kindler come from? If you had told me that Andy Kindler died ten years ago I wouldn't even blink at the news. On his bio for this show Andy lists "HBO's Young Comedians Special" as one of his credits which is fine except the other comedians on that bill were Rodney Dangerfield, and Lenny Bruce. To say that Kindler has been around for awhile is an insult to comedians who have been around for awhile. Again he's done some funny stuff so it's tough to argue with having him on the show, and I'm just happy he's working.
Kathleen Madigan: I guess banging Lewis Black finally paid off for Kathleen.
Patton Oswald: How is this stupid midget even considered a comedian? Last night he was one of the "advocates" on the show and he made a Della Reese reference within the first twenty seconds of opening his fat face. At least Patton is working with timely material, I expect some hilarious Ella Fitzgerald riffs coming the next time I'm forced to sit through this eye rape. The only time I want to see this guy is if he's pushing Violet Beauregarde to the juicing room.
Paul F. Thompkins: Do people enjoy Paul F. Thompkins? I've never been more undecided about something in my life? It's easier for me to choose between butter and margarine then it is to decide whether or not I think this guy is funny. I think that the best way to describe Thompkins is that he is a very good television comic - in that he's unoffensive, he can be creative, and he has a funny delivery. This show seems like it was designed as a Paul F. Thompkins vehicle with the way it's set up and its relentless pop culture references.
So now that you know the premise, and the participants I'm wondering if we can get a ruling on whether or not this show is funny. Please leave your comments and we'll come to a final decision about the fate of "Root of all Evil".
What Year Is This?
In the meantime I want to talk about "Leatherheads" because every time I see Renee Zellweger's stupid pucker face on my television I want to head to the basement and cauterize my eyes shut so as to never have to see her squintey face looking at me again. Can someone please explain to me what the premise behind "Leatherheads" is? From what I gather it's a movie about a rag tag group of football players led by George Clooney in 1925 who are torn apart by competing desires for a strong independent minded female sports reporter played by the bizarely offensive to look at Renee Zellweger.
The movie seems as if George and Co. went through great lengths to get the costumes, stadiums and attitude of early football correct. Which leads me to wonder -- if you're going to go through great pains to get most of this movie historically accurate why would you throw the entire premise out the window and try to make a romantic comedy involving a female sports reporter? You might as well have Clooney drive around in a Porsche, or the team travel by private jet. In 1925 women were not allowed out of the house without a hat on, and I'm supposed to believe that this pasty bitch is mixing it up with the football players?
In case you're wondering - the first female reporter to cover professional football was Lesley Visser in 1976, or 50 years after the events of "Leatherheads" takes place. So basically while this cutesy movie wants us to believe that Renee Zellweger and her bitter beer face would have been trading witty banter with George Clooney and Jim from The Office, had this movie wanted to be really historically accurate, the moment she walked up to ask a question about the game Jim would slap her in the face for being an uppity bitch, while George pulled his balls out and asked her for a post game rub down. All the guys would have laughed, she would blush and then get on her knees and do her womanly duties.
But no, we live in a politically correct world where there can't be a movie made without a strong, sassy female lead. I wouldn't be surprised if this movie ends with Zellweger throwing on a pair of shorts and one of those leather helmets and scoring the winning touchdown before blowing off both of the strong football players for the nerdy class president. Sure, in a historically accurate 1925 period piece she would be passed around the locker room like a bottle of Jim Beam and then shunned by all of society. But that wouldn't make for a very good poster, at least not at the movie theaters that women and children attend.
Of course to complete the fantasy the "Leatherheads" team also features - wait for it - a black gentleman. I haven't seen him utter one line of dialogue in the previews but I think we all know where this one is going. He's the most athletic guy on the team, he's a lover of blues, and most of the other teams have a problem with him being out there, but George sticks up for him and he won't play without him. Again, lets try to keep into perspective that this movie hypothetically takes place in 1925, so the black football player in South Carolina (where the movie was filmed) would have shown up for practice, been issued his pads, and been hung over the goal post all before the team was done with their warm up stretches. But in this movie I'm sure he spends a good deal of time riding with the rest of the team on the bus, eating with them in the middle of a restaurant and singing some bluegrass with George Clooney to try and impress the strong, sensitive, independent sports reporter played that pale, sour puss looking bitch in the hat.
I think what I'm trying to say is this -- if you're sitting around on April 4th with fifteen bucks in your pocket, stay home - do not support this bullshit being pawned off as a comedy. Instead, turn on Comedy Central, watch Robert Kelly, and then use the money you saved to purchase his comedy cd "Just The Tip" which comes out on April 8th. I guarantee that you'll laugh harder and enjoy yourself much more then you would listening to that insufferable "sports reporter" tell a group of grown men in 1925 how to impress a lady. When a true historical period piece would show her father selling her away to the guy who owned the most land, and scene.
Tragic Talk: Patrick Milligan
The main reason that I decided to give birth to Tragic Laughter and not leave it in a jelly like heap on the floor like so many of my other ideas cut short before they were fully formed, is that I can count the number of quality stand up comedy websites on one hand. That's not to say that there aren't a bunch of sites out there for stand up comedy fans, just most of them pander to a crowd who appreciates Brian Posehn and don't understand Patrice O'Neal. Which is to say that most of them suck -- is that too harsh for a site that gets three regular readers?
Regardless, one of the great stand up comedy websites on the internet is Cringe Humor. I'd venture a guess that everyone who comes through this site, has at one point or another been to CH. If this toilet of a site could become half of what Cringe Humor has become I would be a happy man. One of the guys who makes CH work is Patrick Milligan and I am really thankful that he was gracious enough to take a few minutes away from trying to understand what people see in Daniel Tosh, to speak with me. Below is our interview with Patrick Milligan, and even my shit questions couldn't ruin this one.
TL: How did CH start and what has the growth process been? I think right now the only people reading Tragic Laughter are me, and some open mic kid from rural Iowa. What were the growing pains for you guys?
Patrick: Cringe Humor originally started as a Jim Norton fansite. I founded JimNortonFans.com, which was the first Norton fansite back in '99. When I went out to go see Norton perform at the Comedy Cellar and other venues, I became a fan of other comedians like him. This gentleman named Chris Rufle opened up NortonFan.com (another Norton wesbsite) and also started CringeHumor.com, an Opie & Anthony Forum. This was when the O&A were on their 2 year hiatus so the site was dead. We decided to start to promote other comedians that hung around Jim, and we also decided to trash comedians we hated. Chris ended up leaving the site, and I took it over full time in November of 2003.
I remember getting 6 hits a day, and half of them were from me obsessively checking it. Now we get thousands of hits a month.
TL: How were you able to grow and gain a foothold? Basically what can I do to get the TL brand out there so that I can do for the vibrant (read: nonexistent) comedy scene of central massachusetts what you did for NY/NJ?
Patrick: You just gotta get your ass out there, hang out where the GOOD comedians are. Do a lot of networking, tell everyone about your site, and ask if there's anything you can do to help the comedians promote their own shit. Get shitty business cards printed with your name and site information. Also create a database with as much contact info for the comedians you like.
I am based out of Long Island, and the comedy scene is dreadful here. Luckily I live an hour train ride away from NYC, so you gotta go where the GOOD comedy is. I guess I am blessed to be located where I am, but if you are so adamant about standup comedy, you should make the trek.
TL: CH has a section dedicated to the comedians who personify the "cringe" style. As you've gone along was it always the idea to work (or feature) more headliner type acts (like a Jim Norton, or Bill Burr), or did you want to be the place to help more up and coming talent?
Patrick: In all honesty, when I started Cringe Humor guys like Jim Norton, Robert Kelly, and Bill Burr were still feature acts. They were still working mainly in NYC clubs and were strong middle acts on the road. The only established NATIONAL headliners I featured when I took over the site were Dave Attell, Nick Dipaolo, and ugh Dane Cook...I'm not taking any credit for their success, but I am always looking for up & coming talent to promote. On our site now, we also include a section of up and coming comedians as well as comics we feel are among the next generation.
TL: One thing that you're open about is your hatred of certain comedians. I agree with almost every assessment you've made except one -- does Ant even qualify as a comedian? I'm more upset with people who think he is, then him for being terrible at it.
Patrick: I wrote that snippy little review of him based on his Last Comic Standing connection. Looking back, he is definitely not a comedian. He is a hacky faggot who thieved his way onto television, and I am glad he's relegated to hosting awful reality shows on VH1. Hopefully his next career move will be testing positive for HIV.
TL: You have this warning on your hacks page: "If you are on the hacks page, or a friend of yours is, go fuck yourself. Contact me directly instead of bothering other people in the business, you pussies." Which leads me to believe there is a great story behind that - can you divulge the information behind the time Carrot Top started talking shit about you through a giant megaphone or something equally as ridiculous?
Patrick: You have no idea the shit I have gone through for that Hacks page. I've been physically threatened, legally threatened, cursed out on national radio, and even had San Francisco Police Detectives call me for shit I have written about comedians. Apparently I also managed to put a female comedian in therapy. I've dealt with tons of angry agents and managers, been blackballed from clubs/venues, even had a performer show me a gun he was carrying at one of my shows...I wouldn't have it any other way! You will learn that comedians are cunts. They can't handle it when someone doesn't like their act, and they really hate the fact that a non-comedian such as myself is critiquing them.
There's so many fucking standup comedy websites that are composed of nothing but "happy press releases" (credit to SheckyMagazine.com for that term), positive bullshit, and ass kissing interviews. Someone needs to tell it like it is, but very few have the balls to do it - and attach their names to it.
TL: When I talked to him Nick Di Paolo said that one of the drawbacks to the comedy potential in the internet is that instead of great comedians getting better exposure, it's opened the door for terrible comedians with computer skills to become famous. Do you think that's the truth?
Patrick: That is definitely true. I admit. I bought into Dane Cook's bullshit 6-7 years ago. He is a pioneer in packaging himself on the internet. You gotta give that pock-marked face asshole some credit, he is a marketing genius. Now every other mediocre open mic'er is hiring people to make them $5,000 websites and MySpace profiles. If the comedian looks funny online, then he must be funny in person, right? Nope. You have no idea how sick I get when I see some piece of garbage hack featured on MySpace and selling out his shows because of it. Makes me question what I am doing with Cringe Humor sometimes.
TL: In your opinion who are the best working comedians right now?
Patrick: Geez, this is like picking out your favorite retarded child. Actually everyone who is on the site are great but I do have personal favorites; Patrice O'Neal is without question my favorite working comedian today. No one makes me laugh harder at a show. Of course I gotta credit the great Jim Norton with getting me into standup in the first place. He somehow gets better and better each time I see him.
Colin Quinn is an absolute genius. Ignorant comedy fans can't see past his odd delivery to fully appreciate him on stage, but he is probably the most brilliant writer out there.
Robert Kelly is really making a big push and emerging from Dane Cook's shadow. His material is flawless, and he can also riff with the best of them.
Rich Vos is a beloved favorite of mine, too. He is definitely the best at working over a crowd, without overdoing it.
Mike DeStefano is climbing the ranks in NYC, and possesses a brutal honesty that makes Nick DiPaolo look tame at times.
TL: One thing you guys do is have CH Radio, and one of my favorite podcasts to listen to is the Mediocre Show. Who's idea was it to expand to internet radio and how has that been working?
Patrick: It was originally an idea by former CH Forum member Pete Rosales. He & I both possess a decent collection of comedy albums, so we decided to do a streaming internet radio station. We also began recording every CH Show, and we take pride in featuring tons of exclusive content you won't hear anywhere else. I brought in Cris Italia who had several connections with other internet comedy shows that fit the cringe mold. He's really taken the idea from just streaming comedy to a lot more fan interaction with live talk programming. A short time later we now have tons of exclusive live shows that kick ass, including the Mediocre Show. Some people prefer to listen to our brand of humor all day, but I think the live talk shows add another dimension. People also like listening to uncensored talk shows, but since the FCC has ruined regular radio and some people don't want to spend the money on satellite, I'm glad we can provide an alternative.
The station has grown a lot in the last two years thanks to the hard work of all the cast and crews that work with us. Without their hard work, it would be hard to continue. Also Pete and Cris have done a tremendous job with getting us the attention we needed. Unfortunately, Pete is no longer involved with CH Radio. However, CH Radio is moving ahead stronger than ever, and we hope to announce some cool shit VERY soon, including some new shows.
TL: Another thing that you talk about on CringeHumor.net is booking. Is the opportunity to take over the NY/NJ comedy scene something that was ever within your comprehension when this site started?
Patrick: When the site first started I never imagined doing branded shows at all. It was always a pipe dream. I met a fella named Masavia Greer who was putting on these great roasts of Patrice O'Neal and Jim Norton at the time. I helped him promote the events, and a few weeks later we are putting on our first CH Show at the Laugh Lounge, which is located on the Lower East Side.
Sadly, the NYC comedy scene is really going into the shitter. There's an oversaturation of clubs in NYC, and they are all so bent on filling the joint, they don't care about the on stage product. They will gladly put up shitty performers who have no right to be on their stage during a Saturday night as long as they can draw people.
Yes, most of the CH performers headline all the NYC clubs across town, but there's so much bullshit politics involved in the comedy world, it's unbelievable...
TL: Being in the NY/NJ area puts you in one of the biggest (if not the biggest) markets for stand-up comedy in the country. Have you ever thought of expanding the brand outside the Tri-State area? And where does it end - when you're doing CH shows in Canada?
Patrick: It's always been a goal of mine to do a national tour with the guys I love, and forcing the Cringe Humor genre upon as many rotten Dane Cook and Blue Collar Comedy Fans as I can. I guess the O&A Virus Tour sort of accomplished that, but the focus on a CH Tour would be on just the comedians and their brutally hilarious acts, not promoting a radio show in between.
Let's just say we have a few things we're working on, putting together our favorite comedians isn't an easy task, but it's something we envision. Most of all I'd just be happy when the CH guys are household names, and certain networks - who claim to be all about the standup comedy, regularly feature them in all their uncensored glory.
TL: So you told me that you are starting to get back into the swing of things, with some new projects. Care to divulge any insider information for my three fans?
Patrick: Sure, we just finished post production of a TV Pilot. It's an insightful documentary featuring 3 NYC headliners, and one upstart comedian. Basically we are hoping to illustrate the internal struggle of being a standup comic, as the general public has so many misconceptions towards them.
I think something that tells the truth about stand-up in New York is long overdue. We've learned very little about stand-up comedy from tours like Blue Collar Comedy, Kings of Comedy and Tourgasm. Although all those attempts at reality were successful, they didn't show the struggle of a comedian, hopefully we'll be able to accomplish that. This project took up a lot of our time unfortunately and our stand-up shows around the New York area had to take back seat.
With the help of JJ Comedy we are going to start doing shows in New York City and New Jersey again. Plus we hope to announce the start of a new live radio show featuring a national headliner on our radio station. Wow, was that vague? I guess just stay tuned for that.
We're also going to be working with Danny Lobell, formerly the publisher of The Comical. Danny is a great comedy mind and we're glad to be working with him and his staff at Cringe Humor.
TL: And I'll let you go on this one -- on a scale of insufferable to worst interview ever, where does this rank?
Patrick: Trust me, I have conducted far worse interviews in my time. O&A wanted to turn me into a character years ago because of my terrible interviewing skills. It's refreshing to see that you are a self-depricating asshole like myself, though.
TL: Final question -- World Series for the Mets this year?
Patrick: I hope so. I think Omar Minaya did a wonderful job going out and getting the highest priced Mexicans available. Knowing the Mets luck, Johan Santana will tear every ligament in his left arm on Opening Day. Whatever happens though, I will blame Willie Randolph for the team's misfortunes. When was the last time a black manager (not Spanish) lead a club to a World Series Title?
Wow what a Racist ending to the interview that was...
TL: I believe the only black manager to lead a team to a World Series was Cito Gaston in Toronto, and that one is still open for debate. I'm pretty sure once you cross over into Canada you lose all blackness and become a murky white, like watered down chocolate milk.
With that appropriate ending I'd like to thank Patrick for being gracious enough to spend an inordinate amount of time talking with me. If for some reason you're the one person who visits this site that doesn't regularly check out Cringe Humor do yourself a favor and see what a real stand up comedy website brings to the table.
Nick On Tough Crowd
God I miss Tough Crowd. If anyone can explain to me why last night I was forced to watch Daniel Tosh's one hour special for the one hundredth time followed by Dane Cook's "Vicious Cycle" while Colin Quinn is giving reach arounds to the troops in Iraq, and Nick Di Paolo is doing an internet TV show from his basement I'll go quietly into the night. This show was so fantastic and as Nick is a close friend of Tragic Laughter I figured I'd throw his best hits up for you all to enjoy.
Nick Di Paolo on Tough Crowd